Just thoughts..

Throughout my generation I've seen people be kind and I've seen people reject kindness all together. What kind of life are we living to seek out destruction and power? How can this be the way that God intended for us as chosen children to live? I've struggled a lot these past few years and am still discovering more of what God has for me. It's always a challenge and He never said that it would be easy, but to learn more about my lover....it's so worth it. I wish that I hadn't run away for so long. However, you can't change the past, but you can learn from it. It's in the very center of the storm that we find peace. A new adventure all together when you realize that through the storm, He's the eye of it..the peace, the comfort, the very being that will take you in His arms and let you know that everything is going to be okay. For a long time I didn't know if everything would be okay. . . It seemed like it wouldn't while watching the walls around my home and my heart being torn down and apart, but I've realized that through this destruction that God is bringing restoration. There's a verse in the bible where it talks about God allowing us to go through the situations we go through because if He didn't allow them, we'd never need Him. It's sad that it's true... How can we treat a God who gave His only child to die like a trophy stuck on a shelf to collect dust and be looked at and admired only when we want to remember the good times? I'm to blame for treating Him like that. Just a bible under the bed, collecting dust, never to be opened and discovered. God's worth so much more than that. He's worth laying down our desires..He's worth longing after him for hours. We can take so much time out of our day to do the things that we love to do, but what about Him waiting on your porch for you to come sit beside Him? What about Him walking with you to the lake to see the sunrise or sunset? He's as real as you allow Him to be. I'm talking to myself when I say all this. I know that God is a real and intimate God, I've just lost sight of that and decided to try and make it on my own, but it doesn't work that way. God's right there. He'll always be there...even when I reject Him. He knew that I would before I ever denied His name, but God, I love you and I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I want to be your bride, your beloved, your chosen one, your precious daughter in seek of her Father's approval. This is me. I'm not perfect and probably never will be, but I want to be who you've created me to be. However, I can't discover that until I've allowed you to have full control in every aspect of my life...so here I am and here you are. I'm Your's. The End. 

what a life, right?

Well Xanga,

since nobody is interested in blogging anymore I figured I'd pick it back up since posting repeated Facebook statuses is looked down upon...Life has been absolutely crazy these past fews weeks and I'm finding myself more and more lost and unsure about life itself. I thought that I had a good general idea of what was going on and what I was suppose to do, but then you get that gut feeling that the decisions you're about to make are completely wrong, but as soon as you decide to change your decisions, everything in life throws darts in your direction. So what is right and what is wrong. If right gets you in trouble and so does wrong, why should there be a point in making a decision? I feel absolutely lost. I don't understand why things are happening and what I'm suppose to do. Everyone says look to God for answers and I am, but I'm getting no answers. Dealing with life in general sucks, right? Too many questions and not enough answers.

The very sad and tear stained eyes,

Rachel

Grrr.

I've been thinking about life a lot lately and what has happened in just a few months. It's amazing how much things can change in that short of time. I mean, God's doing amazing things and everything, it's just hard to take it all in with a moments breath. I've begun to realize some of the things that God's been trying to tell me all along. I've just been so closed up inside. I've learned that it's okay to let down your defenses to God. That He's not the one to fear. Even people, you don't have to fear. It's interesting to realize this, but I know it's true. God's been doing some amazing works through my youth group. I can't say that it's because of one specific thing, but I know that it's because my generation is beginning to step out. Once we start to realize that all it takes is just being instantly obedient, God will honor that. Once people of this generation start stepping out and obeying God, things are going to change. It's strange to walk in this realm, but I know that it's true. I've had to change my thought process...God's been showing me what's starting to take place and it's not exactly the most mind comforting thing, but I know that it's good. I'm excited to see what God is going to do, but I'm scared at the same time. I'm so ready to see change, but am I really ready to experience change myself? That's the question that haunts me. I'm always telling my friends that it's time for us to change, but I'm always wanting someone else to change first. God's been telling me that it's got to start with me. That's scary. I can't find anywhere that is safe anymore. Words that I speak, where I go, it's all revealed and analyzed. All I'm trying to do is be what God wants me to be. Wow. That's not what God wants. Don't you hate that? When you say something and it just hits you? That God shows you something out of what you just said? God doesn't want me to be what He wants me to be. He wants me to be who He created me to be, just myself. Darn it. God has got a sense of humor does He not? lol Well, I think I'm done ranting on here for now. Thank you for reading, if you did. God's doing some amazing things. Keep me in your prayers.

Love,
Rachel

Writing what I feel

Setting sail on the horizon, wishing that my dream would come true. All these thoughts of things surrounding, are something old, something new. Things that seem like fairy tales are told to be unreal, but as I look out on the horizon, I see something that I can feel. The winds that blow and whisper, the reflecting light that is so bright, the rushing water with sounds so loud, with sand under my toes. This is the sound and sight of something beautiful. Something that will never be told or understood. Something that with the greatest expectation, will always be greater than can be written.

I love life right now and the things that God is doing. I see so many changes all around me and it's beautiful in so many ways. I wish that I could take it all in at once and just sit and ponder of all the things that are happening and all the things I wonder. I'm so excited about what God is doing, I can't wait to see what He has instore for what comes next.

-Rachel